Are You A Doormat Or A Dreamgirl?

I’ve had best selling author Sherry Argov’s book “Why men love bitches” on my bedside table for months and I’ve finally had a chance to read it. When my friend gave me this book I couldn’t help but laugh at the tag line on the front cover, “From doormat to dream girl- A woman’s guide to holding her own in a relationship. Sounds corny right?  When I think of a “doormat” I automatically think of a woman that is often weak, powerless and lets their guy walk all over them. If you were to ask any female “Are you a doormat or a Dreamgirl?” I’m certain they would reply saying, "Dreamgirl!" Let’s be real, who would openly admit they let guys walk all over them? It’s hardly something you’d scream from the top of your lungs.  After reading this book the harsh reality is some of us ladies have been a “doormat” at one point in our lives. The sad thing is, some of us are still living life as a doormat. 

I don’t normally read self help books as I find them to be very repetitive and they usually just state the obvious in an eloquent way. I have to admit this book literally had me hooked, I just couldn’t stop reading. If only I had read this book a couple of years ago I would have saved myself from some of the nonsense, I’ve experienced when it comes to the opposite sex. I don’t want to give everything away but in order to give you some insight on the book, I’m going to highlight 3 things I learned whilst reading Sherry Argov’s best seller. 

Nice Girl Versus The Bitch:

I’m sure you’re all aware of the saying; “nice guys finish last” well if you didn’t know, so do the nice girls! There is nothing wrong with being nice but it’s never good being “too nice” in any aspect of your life. Argov’s book describes the nice girl in being the woman that will blindly go along with what her guy wants, in order to keep the relationship at all costs. She will over compensate by giving everything to a guy she barely even knows, without him having to invest much in the relationship. The kind of girl that will cook a 6 course meal on the first date meanwhile the guy has only called her a couple of times since they first met. In one way or another we have all been the “nice girl”. The book clearly highlights that it is better to be the “bitch” than the nice girl. Now hold on, the term “bitch” in this book in no way reflects the mean spirited girl people tend to dislike or the booty popping girls in hip hop music videos. The book describes the “bitch” to be a woman that is kind yet strong, she has a strength that is subtle. She won’t let a guy think he has a 100% hold over her even if she is catching feelings. Most important she knows what she wants and she won’t compromise herself to get it. 

It’s All About Him:

Most females are able to balance various aspects of their life, whether it’s their education, job or friends. Although some of us  loose all sense of balance when we get into a relationship. We all know that one person who forgets their friends when a new guy comes around, you won’t hear from her or see her. She’s completely lost in her own world, or should I say HIS world. Whenever I try to make plans with one of my friends, most often her reply is “Well...I’m not sure because [INSERT GUYS NAME] might want to come over...but if he goes out with his friends, we can do something” Pardon? You’re not even sure he’ll want to come over but you’re going to leave your schedule wide open just in case? Typical trait of being the “nice girl” a.k.a the doormat. The "bitch" does not stop moving in her own rhythm or adjust her world to suit his needs, which is far more attractive. If you allow your rhythm to be interrupted or forget who you are and the things you like doing in order to suit your guy, you’ll create a void. To fill that void, you’ll start to expect way too much from that guy which he can’t possibly give you. I’m sure if the tables were turned and your boyfriend’s friend asked him to go and watch a football match I DOUBT his response would be “Sorry bro, go without me because “Jessica” MIGHT want to come over that day” Never going to happen. 

Better Than Your Ex, Better Than Your Next:

Having this mentality is not big headed, every girl should think she’s the BEST! The nice girl will never think she is better than your next your even your ex, whereas the ladies who possess the “bitch” quality are 100% confident in who they are and what they have to offer. They do not wait around for a guy’s phone call or a date to validate who they are. One of my friends is an expert when it comes to this, whenever she is seeing a guy and he starts to act up (as they do) she remains calm and cool. As far as she’s concerned if he wants to keep it moving, it doesn’t bother her because she can ALSO keep it moving. She’s confident in herself and knows she can get someone who will treat her better; she doesn’t look to a guy to validate who she is. As soon as a guy notices your good all by yourself and you don’t really need him to boost your self esteem they seem to come running back. Funny that. When he senses you depend on his approval or his attention in order to feel validated you then fall into the category of the “doormat”. This gives room for your guy to walk all over you because he knows you’re always going to be there.  

There are so many other things the book talks about but I’ll leave that for you to find out, if you choose to read the book. I’m sure there are some things you may or may not agree with although the overall message is that you should not live by someone else’s standards, live within your own. Play by your own rules. Do you want to be a doormat or a dreamgirl?

AK

x