If you know me well you’ve probably read the title of this post
and sniggered to yourself. Abena writing a blog post about communication may
sound like a joke to some of your ears.
For so long I’ve thought of myself as a great communicator
as I have no problem with being vocal about what I’m thinking. If someone told
me I was a poor communicator in discussions or disagreements I’d probably laugh
at them.
Well its seems as though the joke is on me as several people
close to me have recently pointed out that they find it hard to communicate
with me because I don’t listen. It took me a while to understand where they
were coming from before I realised that for so long I’ve been listening to
reply and not to understand.
If I’ve learned anything over the past year it’s that
bumping heads or conflict is inevitable in any relationship. Whether it’s your
family member, a friend or even a colleague at work. Although how we communicate
through these conflicts in our everyday relationships can either bring people closer together or further apart. Misunderstandings,
disagreements and distance are usually a result of poor communication. I for
one now see where I've been going wrong for so long
Listen to Understand
Let me honest, when it’s time for me to express how I feel
in a discussion i’m not really listening to understand what the other party is
trying to say. I’m merely ‘listening’ to give you a reply and to get out
everything that's in my head. This technique may allow you to get everything
off your chest but it won't get you anywhere in the long run. You may have
expressed everything you’ve been feeling but the reality is, you’re still
at square one and both party’s still don't understand what the other is trying
to communicate. To avoid the frustration of not being understood, I've realised the importance of actually LISTENING to the other party. Not interrupting
and reflecting on what they are saying will give you a better understanding of
their point of view which will also make them more willing to listen to you
Pick Your Battles Wisely
Not every situation needs a full on reaction or discussion.
For people that are very vocal it can be hard to distinguish when you should
and shouldn’t speak what’s on your mind. Making a big issue out of something you’ve
most likely misinterpreted only leads to an argument that could have been
avoided. Before you come on the attack, I’m learning the importance of stepping
back to access the situation. Is it really that deep? Is the other party aware
they have hurt my feelings? Sometimes getting out of your own feelings and
letting the small battles go can avoid a lot of unnecessary conflict.
Own it
Some people really struggle to own up to their faults. We
all know that person that would rather roll over and die before they say the
words ‘I understand where your coming from, you’re right and I’m sorry’. To some admitting their faults may be a
sign of weakness, in my opinion owning your faults is far from weak as it shows
strength. Rightfully owning your part to play in the breakdown or conflict in
any relationship allows you to take control of the situation. The other party immediately
feel a sense of relief as they are being understood and are therefore willing
to compromise and move forward.
We all have our strengths and weakness when it comes to communicating
I for one have no problem with owning my faults but struggle to listen to
understand. Just think of how much more easier relationships would be if we
took these steps into consideration every time we faced a conflict.
AK
x
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