The Break Up: Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don’t

If you know me personally, you know I love birthdays! There is something about other people’s birthdays that gets me super excited. If we’re friends I’ve probably started planning your birthday before you’ve even given it a thought, so there was no surprise my friend asked me to help plan his girlfriends surprise party. After giving him various ideas on locations and themes for the party he dropped the line ‘I can’t wait till her birthday is over so I can break up with her!’ [Pause] I really had to catch my train of thought after he said this, what kind of person plans someone an extravagant party only to break up with them? We all know I’m pro woman in every situation so I was ready to attack him with insults but then I heard what he had to say. He had been unhappy in this relationship for a long time so the break up wasn’t really a shock, it was his timing. Then it dawned on me, in any break up there is no perfect time or place. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

Break ups are never an easy thing. Having experienced both sides of the coin, whether you’re the person trying to escape or the person being let go of, it can be a hurtful experience for both parties. Having said this I do think we could make break ups much easier if we just stopped and thought about what we were doing. This got me thinking, what could we do to make break ups graceful?

Man Up 

Breaking up with someone via text message is a cowardly move. I don’t care if you write a whole chapter explaining your reasons for your break up, your partner deserves more than a Whats App message detailing why you can no longer be with them. The person receiving the message will only be enraged at the fact you chose such a cowardly way to break up with them, which diverts attention from the actual break up. Before you know it you would have entered a text message war on how inconsiderate you are. To save yourself from a thumb war, break up in person.

Choose Your Location Wisely

In the past when I tried to break up with one of my previous boyfriends I would always go to their house to tell them the relationship is over. Wrong move. If you’re trying to break up with someone that is not ready for the relationship to end, a comfortable and intimate setting is the worst place to break up. A comfortable setting allows the other party to pull out all their tricks. This can range from crying, bringing up the ‘good times’ and in even more desperate times; trying to be intimate with you. If you find yourself in this situation; ABORT MISSION. If you stay and fall for these tricks you find yourself in the same cycle of wanting to leave but never actually leaving that person.

Do NOT Try and Make The Other Person Feel Better

‘It’s me not you’, ‘You’re a nice guy/girl, I don’t deserve someone like you’. I’m sure we’ve all either said those words or had it said to us. It would be much easier if everyone stopped sugar coating situations in order to make the other person feel better. How about you be honest and say ‘I just don’t think we’re compatible, so let’s go our separate ways and find someone who actually makes us happy’ or ‘You’re crazy and you need help so I’d rather be by myself.’ Ha! Okay maybe the last sentence is a little bit harsh but being honest always allows there to be a clear understanding of why the relationship is coming to an end. Sugar coating the situation can sometimes lead the other party to believe that this is not a permanent break up and you may eventually get back together.

Let’s Not Get Bitter

They say the easiest way to get over a break up is to start seeing someone new, in many cases this is true. Starting something fresh can take your mind off the hurt from your previous relationship. This doesn’t mean you should force the ‘love’ for your new partner in order to spite your ex. Posting pictures of your two week old relationship accompanied with captions such as  ‘My King/Queen’ and ‘The best I ever had’ only makes you look stupid if you’re doing this to get under your ex’s skin. They either won’t care because they’re so done with the relationship or will either find it as an ego boost that you are doing all of this to get their attention.  Stooping to this level only makes you look bitter have some pride and keep moving. 

Bottom line is, if you’re not happy in a relationship save yourself the misery and move on. We are far too young to be staying in situations out of guilt or comfort. Have the courage to move on and break up with the person, gracefully.


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