You Need To Feel What I Feel.

Why these reality show ‘stars’ let the most intimate details of their lives unfold on our TV screens every week blows my mind. As much as I’m confused as to why they reveal so much to the world, there is nothing I find more entertaining than watching these people air out their dirty laundry. An average episode will have enough drama to last a lifetime; DNA tests, baby daddy drama and girl fights are all common storylines within a 40 minute episode. Surely this can’t be real life. Last week’s episode of the infamous Love and Hip Hop made me realise how true to life these shows really are, when this seasons breakout star Tara Wallace screamed “I want you to feel what I feel!” Something I myself have screamed in frustration. 

I know your probably wondering why I’m choosing to speak on this show as to many it is just a “show”. Yes, I’m fully aware it’s just a show and I know most of the scenes are probably constructed for entertainment purposes, but the fact that I identified to what Tara said made me realise we could all be Tara. Those of you that don’t watch the show, Tara shares two kids with her rapper boyfriend “Peter Gunz” and have been together for over 13 years. I use the term rapper loosely because he really hasn’t had a hit since the 90’s.  As the show has progressed we see their relationship hit rock bottom as Peter decides to secretly marry his mistress. Sounds crazy but this is actually some one’s reality right now. 

It’s easy to watch this show and question women in Tara’s positions sanity. You’ll probably find yourself saying something on the lines of “why would you stay with someone so disrespectful,” or “she brought it on herself”. It’s easy to point the finger and pass judgement but the truth is you really can’t judge another’s situation especially if you haven’t been in it. I’ll be the first to admit relationships are hard but when is enough, enough? When is it actually time to walk away? Watching this storyline unfold reminds me of the ongoing pain some of us put ourselves through. After a continuous cycle of “Baby I f*cked up, I’m sorry” when is it time break this vicious cycle? 

I posed these series of questions to some of my friends and they all highlighted valid points I’d never thought about.  Everyone makes mistakes. It may sound cliché but it’s the truth. Just because someone hurts you once it doesn’t mean they’re going to do it again, for the most part it could just be a one time mistake. If you refuse to give a person a second chance because of their mistake you could potentially risk losing out on a good thing. On the other hand sometimes second chances just lead to a long road of heartbreak. Before you know it you would have spent 13 years in a dead end relationship, screaming out “You need to feel what I feel”. All the while wishing you would have walked away the first time.

Trying to make another person feel your pain when your hurt is an automatic reaction for most of us, we’ll go to extremes for the person who hurt us to feel an ounce of what we are experiencing. How many of us can actually say they feel better after a screaming match or after sending a long abusive texts? Reality is that person you are giving so much energy still doesn’t understand how you feel. What I’ve learned is that sometimes it’s not so much about what the other person has done but your own choices. I always wonder whether people are more hurt over the ‘mistakes’ their partner has made or the fact they chose to stay in a situation they subconsciously knew would eventually hurt them again. 

AK

x