God Forgives, I Don't.

I remember hearing rapper Rick Ross had titled his album “God forgives, I don’t” back in 2012 and it had me thinking “how can he say such a thing?” I guess the title “God forgives, I don’t” was all a part of his gangster image which is used to sell records but it did get me thinking about forgiveness. I’ve always thought of forgiveness as something that we all HAVE to do, which explains why I initially didn’t understand Rick Ross’ choice for his album title.

Since finishing university I’ve had some time to reflect on the events that have occurred in my life in the past couple of years. I was shocked when I realised I have had the same mentality as Rick Ross and I ain’t even know it.

  

In the past when I felt like someone had done me wrong it would send me into a rage which would result in me cutting that person off. No matter how many times they would apologise I would want nothing to do with them again. I could not forgive them. Party done. One time after having an argument with a friend I even proceeded to play “Nicki Minaj’s- Did it on em”. I was so done with the situation and there was no coming back in my mind after that argument. For those of you who haven’t heard the song, please do go and listen to get a sense of how temperamental I can be lol.

In some cases I would eventually come to my senses, which would turn the tables around and have me asking for forgiveness. Looking back this is a horrible attitude to have and I can admit that now. How can I expect someone to forgive me with open arms when I struggle to do the same? A lot of people are guilty of this behaviour, I’m just not scared to admit my own flaws and faults. As funny or as gangster it sounds don’t let phrases like “God forgives, I don’t” get to your head. You have to forgive. Not for the other persons benefit but for yourself. My mum always says, “You have to pray for those who do wrong against you”. Whenever she would say this In the past  I would give her my blank, not interested facial expression. At one point in my life I could never imagine PRAYING for someone who did me wrong or offended me. Not Abena Kusi. Looking back on various events that have occurred I now understand the importance of what she’s been saying all this time.

Forgiveness heals and sets you free. Resentment only eats you up and closes doors for yourself. I used to think time would erase my resentment against certain people but it doesn’t. We waste so much time and energy focusing on the most trivial things, I know I have definitely wasted time over the years holding on to things that didn't even matter. You may be reading this thinking, “But how can I forgive?” What I’ve learned is that from the hearts view point the act of forgiveness can seem impossible. How can you be forced to stop feeling what you feel?  It really is hard to forgive and forget but it starts with our minds. That’s the secret to forgiveness; we have to forgive that person in our minds first.

I’m not perfect and by no means am I using this platform to project myself as a saint, that easily forgives every person I have had a big issue with. What I am saying is that I’ve recognised my faults and it was time to change my mentality. During our individual journeys we are going to be faced with situations where people you care about may do you wrong but you can’t hold onto it. You don’t always have to go back to being best friends or lovers but holding on to what they did only BLOCKS your blessings so let go and forgive.

“Even if your heart feels something completely different, the fact that you pray to bless whoever hurt you can change everything. Even if you are too angry to mention the name of that person who offended you, God sees your effort and your intention to forgive and with time, He’ll remove the pain and heal the wounds of your heart. Without forgiveness there is no salvation.”  Edmir Macedo

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